It’s the hope that kills you

“So I've been hearing this phrase y'all got over here that I ain't too crazy about. "It's the hope that kills you." Y'all know that? I disagree, you know? I think it's the lack of hope that comes and gets you. See, I believe in hope. I believe in belief. Now, where I'm from, we got a saying too, yeah? A question, actually. "Do you believe in miracles?" Now, I don't need y'all to answer that question for me... but I do want you to answer that question for yourselves. Right now. Do you believe in miracles? And if you do... then I want y'all to circle up with me right now. Come on. Let's go.”

- Ted Lasso

It has been surprisingly difficult for me to type up this update. It’s not because things are going poorly with Mercy. It’s because things are going really well post-surgery, and the hope I feel is terrifying.

Mercy is recovering well from surgery. Releasing the intestinal knot through surgery appears to have fixed her slow motility issues - I’ve never rejoiced over poopy diapers as much as I have these past few days.

She's eating by bottle again, she’s up to 20ml per feeding and they’re bumping up her volume by 10ml/per day. This rate of change in feeding volume is four times faster than before surgery! If she keeps this pace she’ll be at full feeds before the end of next week, all thanks to faster motility that gives the doctors confidence her system can handle increased volume. She’s still on TPN and has a central line, but once she’s at full feeds that will go away quickly.

So here we are. She turned 6 months old last week, she’s 8lbs 3oz today, she’s gaining weight and feeding volume, her bowels are working, things are looking positive, and it’s positively terrifying to hope again. Erica asked our doctors what a reasonable return-home timeline could look like. They’re optimistic that - if all goes well - Mercy could be home before the end of March.

This is where Ted helps me out. As scary as it is to hope, I reflect on the past six months and remember I do believe in miracles, I do believe in God's mercies, I’ve seen both over and over again in our little Heidi Mercy’s life, and I trust.

Pray Mercy sustains her volume increases and that her system can keep up. And as you’re praying, I hope you’re also encouraged by the miracles and mercies in Mercy’s life.

"Yo, Adrian!"